At Santa’s little cabin far up there in the north
The red-faced Mrs. Claus is once more holding forth

On Santa’s peculiarities, especially his vices
Becoming, it seems, an existential crisis

How can you get on those roof tops with that expanding belly
Which has grown with all that snacking as you sit there at the telly

Those words like blows descend on that poor fellow
From that woman well known to be pleasant and mellow

Santa thought, and then began to moan and sob
This Christmas scene is all I know, I’ve got to keep this job

He called his reindeer troop together for a consultation
As they gathered round he peered in consternation

And realized that they like him had seen much better days
Now they limped and squinted in their undefined malaise

And the old sleigh like them sorely needed some repairs
No jumping on the roof, he’d have to use the stairs

He’d hoped his son would answer the annual Noel bell
But that hope was dashed when junior moved to Cozumel

So desperation drove Santa and his reindeers to the gym
And after all those workouts they once more were hard and slim

Which means that we who expect to see them every late December 
Will hear those sleigh bells calling just the way that we remember

It isn’t like the old days but not as bad as you might fear
So I’ll take this opportunity to wish you all good cheer 

Note: Late fall 2024, my first real hit I think. Sent it for Xmas. Printed at the Glen I believe